Five Questions with Arun Narayan Toke’

(View Biography)

If you have not checked out www.skippingstones.org you are truly missing a wonderful resource. In addition to its articles, photography, poetry and other insights into wonderfully diverse cultures, you will find books that will make exploring other cultures and people incredible.

We would like to thank Arun for his time and for his commitment to diversity, tolerance, celebration and respect and we challenge you to heed some of his advice... and then let us know the results.

Arun reminds us that we must LIVE the behavior we want our children to model. What are you doing to help your children thrive in our diverse society?

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1. The idea of "intentional neighborhoods" is very intriguing! From my own experience growing up in a suburban / rural setting, I know that even though there may be multiple cultures living "together" the individual groups tend to stay apart. (Ironically, interaction seems easier for children than their parents.) Do you have any advice for those who aren‘t living in an urban area?

Suburban and rural settings are not the most ideal places for "community" and "diversity" exchanges. Yet, there are ways to facilitate the mixing up of cultures. There are many avenues and venues for promoting, sharing and encouraging diversity. These include existing institutions such as churches, market places, schools and creating new ones to suit your interests or fields of expertise.

For example, you can start a French or Spanish conversation group, a Monthly Movie Club (that shows international movies and a discussion), a dialogue group, or an ethnic foods or potluck group (that might feature dishes from a variety of cultures and/or ethnicities each month). These are all great ideas to discover a feeling of community wherever you live—from New England to the Pacific Coast.

There are also groups such as the Sierra Club, the Green Mountains Club and the Obsidians that attract diverse individual with whom you can develop connections. Interfaith groups and storytelling groups also draw people from a wider cultural and/or geographic region.

And don’t forget to include the entire family! Each one of the activities outlined above can be a learning experience for all.

We can also be creative and offer experiences in diversity and tolerance to our children at many conventional venues such as county fairs, farmer‘s markets, schools and other places that we frequent often regardless of urban or rural settings.

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2. Sometimes I feel that I am a bit like the child with his finger in the dam and that the tasks of helping my children understand and accept all people is countermanded by the media, our community, the schools, etc. Are these some "baby steps" I can take that will not be so overwhelming?

Yes, there are many small steps that we can all take. Each one will help us and our families live a more multi-ethnic and fulfilled life. These steps can be as simple as diversifying our music selection to include more ethnic varieties, to renting videos from other countries and cultures, (movies with English subtitles are just fine.) Try listening to Hindi, Sanskrit, Malyalam, Marathi, Tamil, Telgu and English songs as well as watching several sixty and seventy episodes series of the great Indian epics of Mahabharata and Ramayana (with English subtitles).

Explore storytelling events, read bilingual books (if you are able), study a new language with your children-there is no better role model for life-time learning when you and your children learn new things together!

When you have time to go out on the town, consider many diverse options available. The choices and options will differ from season to season. Check local newspapers and free weekly papers to see what is available. Visit websites of local cultural / humanities organizations in your region to see if they have planned any events in the area. You might enjoy events like the following with your family:

• Asian Moon or Harvest Festival,
• Scandinavian Festival,
• Martin Luther King Day Celebrations,
• Familia Latina Day,
• Cinco de Mayo Celebration,
• Ethnic music festivals, fairs, Independence Day celebrations for various countries...

You can also tap into your child’s interests and enroll him or her in Karate, Aikido, Tai Chi or other Asian martial arts. Yoga is also a great activity for kids, as are ethnic music and dance classes and language classes.

Reading is another “baby step” you and your children can take together. Include books, folk tales, poetry etc. from many different cultures. Check out Skipping Stones at www.Skippingstones.org for more ideas and suggestions. You can truly make the world come alive by following some of these simple steps!

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3. Would you kindly share more about your community-oriented living environment? It sounds wonderful!

Our intentional neighborhood is almost ten years old now. We began with weekly meetings of like-minded families interested in a more close-knit living situation, in an urban setting. While I have lived in both urban and rural settings, I wanted to have the best of both worlds and that is exactly what we have in our neighborhood. We have the relative quietness of a cul-de-sac setting and an option of bicycling to work. And many of us do ride bicycles to work. We are about two miles from downtown. About a dozen families with a truly "diverse" background share this two plus acres of land with new homes that we designed and built. Many homes have been built using "alternative" materials, including Rostra Blocks. There is even a straw bale house. Some have passive and/or active solar features. Most homes have porches to create a neighborhood feeling. Nobody to my knowledge has automatic garage door openers. Much of the landscaping includes edible plants and fruit trees, native species and gardens.

The community members are interested in a variety of things and employed in many diverse professions. Among our members are fine wood-workers, artists, knitters, computer programmers, alternative health professionals, mediators, chefs, managers, educators, government employees as well as retired professionals. The age range is multigenerational –from 7 to 80!

In our intentional neighborhood, we have had several functional groups (with some overlap). Our Friday Night Potlucks, monthly meetings, quarterly business meetings and occasional retreats are open to all members. Some members tend to come more to certain types of projects and events than others like the community outings, birthday celebrations, weddings, block parties, meditation and yoga groups.

Traditional American holidays are celebrated often times with many community members, in addition to our own family members. There is often a sharing of resources and tools, but only on a totally voluntary basis. There is no "enforced" rule.

Members pay a fair share of the cost of operating the community room which is used for potlucks, meetings and other events. It is always stocked well with a variety of teas, toys and tables for whatever function. Members may participate in groups like Women‘s group, Shared Meal Group, Everyone‘s Group, voluntary simplicity discussion group, or in a specific political action and other events. Often, we might just take walks together or have a tea-time with each other.

There is no "joining" fee and visitors are always welcome to all community events, except our in-frequent business meetings.

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4. I am concerned about the amount of bullying that I witness in my daughter‘s school (and shudder to think of what I don‘t see). It seems sometimes that the teachers are blind to it, unwilling to get involved or simply don‘t know what to do (some may even supporting the bullying behavior). How can I begin to address at my daughter‘s school in a way that will be effective?

I suggest tools such as dialogue groups, guest speakers, educational videos, innovative programs like "Mix It Up At Lunch Day", nonviolent communication workshops, declaring your school a Racism Free Zone, and other creative ways to minimize bullying and encouraging an atmosphere of respect for all.

There is a concerted national program, now in its third year, that‘s worthy of mention. The "No Name Calling Week" offers educational activities aimed at ending name-calling and verbal bullying of all kinds. You may wish to visit their website for details. www.nonamecallingweek.org

In addition, there are some great resources for kids and educators that you can easily access. Check out:

Let‘s Get Real, a video from the Women‘s Educational Media/ Respect for All Project; info@respectforall.org.

The Kids Guide to Working Out Conflicts, Free Spirit Publishing, www.freespirit.com

Human Relations Media; hrmvideo.com

Mix-it-up at Lunch Day from the Teaching Tolerance/SPLC, Alabama

Nonviolent Communication: The language of our Heart by Marshall Rosenburg

Skipping Stones Honor Award Books, www.SkippingStones.org

Get involved and encourage teachers in your daughter‘s school to use some of these resources and adopt a few of these activities and ideas during the school year.

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5. When I look at some "diversity" programs and even other programs (like fitness, nutrition, etc.) I think that they are geared towards older children. I think that we can never start too early to help our kids with these kinds of issues. Can you comment on what you believe is the "right age" and the "right way" to engage in these conversations with our children?

Children are amazing sponges who soak up what they see around them. They learn by observing, listening, doing and feeling what they see around them. The loudest message they absorb is through our words, actions, facial expressions, and our tone of voice.

From the beginning, they observe the warmth adults show towards some people and the colder glances sent out to others. Prejudice is passed on as adults discourage children to play with certain children and favor others. Thus, even without our "formally" engaging our children in this direction, they are already getting messages hidden in our actions, conversations, etc. They look at how their parents and older siblings behave, act and react. All of these are being recorded subconsciously by the children, even three and six month olds!

So let‘s teach by example—from the very beginning—by modeling behavior we expect from our children. We can help them and ourselves by setting good examples. We need to model acceptance and respect so that our children are clear on how to do it.

We can also encourage children to learn another language, watch movies from other cultures/countries, read bilingual books. Try something different at home, like a non-English hour, sign-language time, silence hour (or written-notes-only hour), journal-keeping on family travels, guessing games such as Twenty-Questions, and other activities to promote dialogue, questioning and understanding. Try innovative ways to use as many diverse tools of communication that are available across generations and cultures. These are easy to implement and scale to children of any age.

When you visit a large city, include culturally different or diverse sites such as Chinatown and other places to have authentic ethnic experiences. You can take your children to ethnic eateries and cuisines such as Thai, Indian, Creole, Caribbean, etc. All of these experiences will help children of any age to accept and respect that which is different then they are.

While we can never start too early, remember that not everything can be explained in details until we all develop the vocabulary to do so. Clearly, our explanations will deepen as our children’s understanding of language, concepts and feelings matures. Our goal is to keep the lines of communications open from the very beginning, carefully selecting the words we use to describe people, places and traditions that don’t necessarily mirror our own.

To sum it all up, it is obvious that we need to LIVE the way we ask of our children. Like they say, if we want to get good fruits, we need to plant the seeds and tend the shoots that sprout, gently and carefully, to nurture the tree to maturity. What is needed from parents will change over the time as our children grow, but start today and watch your beautiful garden grow.

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Our next featured guest is Tiffany Morrison, owner of Mix It Up, a new line of greeting cards for interracial couples and multiracial consumers (www.Mix-It-Up.net).