For The Child
December 15, 2003

Holiday Musings

On December 3, The New York Times reported a seven-year-old boy was disciplined by school officials for using 'foul language.' In replying to a classmate's question about his family, he reported that he had two moms and no dad. He explained that his parents are gay. When asked what gay meant, he replied, "gay is when a girl likes another girl." The young man was disciplined and his mother notified that he was using 'foul language'.

How did an innocent discussion between two curious children explode into an emotional and politically charged episode in which the children were deeply and forever affected? How did everyone miss the opportunity to help children understand that there are many definitions of family? How is it that a young man is called to task for being honest and proud of his family?

What affected me most deeply and most troubling is that all involved could help stop the cycle of bias (and unfortunately adoption is a form of bias) that plagues us and threatens our children. They could have engaged the child in a conversation about how families are different but are united by love. They could have taught the child to respect another's choices, even if they don't agree with the choices themselves.

During this holiday season of joy and giving, let's focus on giving our children a gift that costs little but will be remembered forever--the tools to break the cycle of bias. Let's empower our children to respect and celebrate all cultures, choices and abilities. Let's teach them that different is simply different and not better or worse. Let's resolve to engage our children in positive conversations--even if they are difficult for us.

Let's acknowledge that we teach children bias, they don't come wired that way. Then, let's forgive ourselves for our foibles. Let's to do our part to make the world a more accepting and peaceful place.

We really can make a difference--one child and one parent at a time!

Tell us how you teach your children about family formation: forthechild@simpleasthat.com.